Life Assistant 003- Hot Yoga

(For entertainment purposes only.)

The following story is based on real fake events.

When your well starts to run dry, you will accept any job. My regular clients did not call on me for weeks. I was beginning to feel desperate and unneeded.  The thought of having to return back to Corporate America sickened me.

I met Justine in a nearby coffee shop. She had heard about me from a friend of a friend, which I liked. I needed the good word of mouth. Honestly, she needed a private investigator, but I couldn’t pass up a job and she was paying with cash. As a Life Assistant, I have to be extremely flexible, adaptable and at times nonjudgemental. I’m still working on the nonjudgemental part. Justine felt like she was out for justice but not in a vigilante way. She was more like a scorned woman though she had no proof of any wrongdoing. I became a spy overnight seeking to collect the truth. Things were about to get very heated.

I registered for my first yoga class.  I didn’t receive the supplies list promptly as promised so I bought a yoga mat, a water bottle and a yoga block that I added to Justine’s bill. Justine’s new boyfriend of one month Marcus worked part-time at a yoga studio. He led the hottest hot yoga nongender specific class on Wednesday nights. My job was to see and report if Marcus flirted with any of the class participants especially one named Veronica. I agreed to assist her with her inquiry though it was rather too soon I thought for the snooping and plotting. I ran into a few problems before the class started.


“Hello, welcome to Springfield’s hottest hot yoga class,” said the man behind the reception desk. His name tag had the name Marcus written on it. “You must be new here.”

I rested my yoga mat on the floor and placed my block on the counter. “Yes, my name is Jonathon. My friend Justin told me about the class. Hottest around.”

Marcus wiped his brow. “Man, for a minute there I thought you were going to say your friend Justine.”

“No,” I pretended not to know a Justine. “I don’t know a Justine. You seem relieved though.”

Marcus grabbed a waiver sheet from under the counter and a pen. “I was stalked by a girl who took my class, named Justine. It’s kinda hard to hide when I work here. ”

I didn’t want to believe it. “Are you sure she was stalking you? Perhaps she just liked yoga.” It was starting to make sense to me.

“Nope, a judge gave me a restraining order and everything. Her hottest hot yoga days are over. I must admit, we went on a date once. It was my mistake. I was her instructor. I should have known better.”

“Wow, I am sorry to hear that.” I wrote my name on the attendance sheet. There was no Veronica on the list for that night, which made my job easier. I signed the waiver stating that if I passed out or worse I wouldn’t try to sue the Yoga Plus Studio. “Why the ninety-two degrees?”

Marcus waved to his coworker who was leaving. “I’m not completely sure. Between you and me, we are only supposed to operate at eighty-two degrees. But this is the hottest hot yoga studio after all. Did you get the supplies list?” Marcus noticed the block and rolled up yoga mat. Another fork in the road.

“I didn’t see it in my email after I registered,” I informed him.

“I sent it today. It might be in your spam folder.” Marcus gave me a copy of the list. “For future reference.”

“Alright.” I examined the list. “Marcus, why would I need a battery operated floor fan?”

“Oh, because it’s so hot in the class,” Marcus replied.

“Well, as you can see I didn’t bring a fan with me. You just sent out the supply list today.” I still wanted to complete the job even if she was a stalker.

Marcus placed a large box and a package of batteries on the counter. “No worries. You can buy a fan here for sixty-five bucks plus ten for the batteries. You can also go to our online store to receive five percent off on a fan. You can’t be in the hottest hot yoga class without a fan. Studio policy.”

“You must be joking. This is a ridiculous way for you to make more money. I want a refund on the class then. ”

“Nope, you have signed the waiver, the attendance sheet and I have answered your questions. No refund. It is not our fault if you are not willing to follow our rules.”

I wasn’t sure of how much money I should charge Justine for this unfinished job. I could only hope that she would forget about this Marcus. The hottest hot yoga class was being run by a con man. I went straight home that night and wrote a scathing yelp review about my experience there.



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