Befriending a Narcissist?

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Apparently, your new friend Maritza spends hours staring at herself in the mirror. She loves herself and is pleased by her appearance. Perhaps her self love is way better than dancing through the realm of self-hate. However, some of her personality traits are putting a damper on your blossoming friendship. She loves to talk about her wonderful qualities all the time. She celebrates herself on other people’s birthdays. She replans your plans without your input. At what point does high self-esteem become a problematic disorder?

Tips for dealing with Narcy Marcy:

  • Try to ask questions before you think you have Maritza all figured out. It is easy to prejudge people. She might be emotionally compensating due to a prior rejection. For example, someone told her that she was not so great. So to protect her feelings she has developed a “Super Great” mentality as a defense mechanism. Or she might not even be aware that her behavior can be deemed as negative.
  • Tell her how you feel when she behaves a certain way. Do not confront her in an accusatory manner. You will most likely hit a brick wall or witness a wide range of histronics. If she doesn’t acknowledge your feelings at all, you might want to exit out of the friendship. Friends are supposed to listen and care.
  • Do not become more like her to remain friends. She may try to manipulate you into changing your mindset or appearance.

I think we can agree that it is essential to our survival that we have a healthy dose of self-esteem and positive external relationships.

 

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